I hate not blogging more. I used to do it every day, writing about myself, my past, my experiences, what I thought about things, venting etc. Lately I just feel zapped. I rarely have coherent thoughts it seems on topics like politics or news-making events. I guess it's not having as much time on my hands that will do it.

But, I do find my mind wandering at times. Last night I was thinking about DJ. It's so great to see him doing so much more and understanding so much more. If I sneeze he brings me a tissue, he helps me load laundry into the basket, if I tell him I'm going potty he beats me there or if I tell him I need to put him in his playpen he walks with me. He can point to nearly every body part. He learns a new dance move every day it seems. But like every mom I worry too. Or maybe obsess is a better word. I wish he was talking more. He is just content to point.

My mind was also wandering about some other stuff. I was just thinking how we all spend so much time putting up with a dealing with toxic stuff in our lives. Why is it so hard to just break that habit, to stop it? I have a friend who has done just that, and I am so proud of her. I really admire her courage. But you know, why shouldn't we all make our lives better and get rid of the bad stuff from our lives? Why shouldn't we all be more honest with other people and ourselves? I wonder, when I die will God look over my life and say, well, congrats to you for always giving to people, for being willing to be taken advantage of, for holding your tongue if what you wanted to say might be too truthful, for letting others not value you, for not valuing yourself. Will I get a gold star? I doubt it. In the long run, will that matter to him? So what if we can say we were a martyr and lived a tragic life? What if instead, we lived a life where we took care of ourselves? Where we surrounded ourselves with good things and good people and we let ourselves be treated how we should be treated. I think that is my favorite part of my 30's.