A part of me always feels hurt when she doesn't make it to events for us. Mainly because, it seems like she doesn't even WANT to go, at all. She doesn't seem disappointed or sad to miss these events. I mean, I guess I expect to see her exhibit some sort of emotions that would say that she wants to be there, but just isn't comfortable. But instead it's like she has no interest or desire at all. It's so hard to relate or understand this. I guess that's why I do feel hurt, because some times I wonder if her anxiety is literally legitament.

Dave's aunt is in from out of town this week, she stays with his grandma when she's in town, so we visited them Tuesday night. I had the idea, so that we could see her again before she left, to have everyone over for a BBQ. Even though I was busy this week, and didn't have a lot of time to plan or clean, I wanted to do this. I don't know why, but I figured that his grandma might come to the house. One, because his aunt was going. Two, to see DJ. Three, because it was only going to be close family, no large crowd. Again, she begged off.

I told his aunt and mom to work on her. Last night we got word that she wasn't coming. I was furious! It really does hurt my feelings, and again, maybe it's because I don't understand. So I was venting to Dave...Because she can certainly make it to her favorite g-grandson's soccer games. (Crowded) She picks him up from school every day. (Which is a mile from our house.) It's just that she has such favoritism towards him and that half of the family. I don't hold anything against them, I know it's not their fault...but it still is sort of insulting. I mean, she made it to Shawns moms baby shower.

So you know how I got her to come over? I had Shawn's mom beg her and bribe her with Shawn being there! And she came. Well, I'm just happy she came and got to see our house, which she's only seen once. But, again, it's a double edged sword because, I sort of feel annoyed that it took Shawn being there and not DJ, or us, to get her to come!

And I feel shitty for feeling this way. I feel like I should be a grown up and just accept it. I try. I know she doesn't mean to do it, she doesn't mean any harm. I love her, I'd love to see her more...it just makes me so sad that the only grandparent between the two of us that is alive, has missed so much!! I know that our other grandparents had they been alive, would never for a million years missed the opportunity to see something like our wedding, or to come visit me in the hospital with DJ. Well....I just wanted to blog about it. I'll be over it tomorrow, until the next time...