I always knew being a mom must be hard. I knew it was thankless and tiring. I suspected that she gives everything of herself, leaving little for all else. I didn't realize how much so, though. Someone once said how being a mom can magnify everything you feel, and I agree. It magnifies everything you go through, as well. The hard days are the hardest you've ever had; and the special moments are the most special. That's why, now I am beginning to understand why being a mom is so...I can't even find the right word...important? amazing? difficult? fun? paramount? I don't know if there IS a word, because once you're a mom, you're a MOM. It's your new job, it's your new you. It's your life forever and ever, for all of its good and bad.

I watched my mom growing up, being a Stay at home mom, some days I was impressed, others I felt like it wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't so hard to do. Of course, as kids get older, the mom job changes, maybe it gets easier, but maybe it gets harder. Maybe what we as onlookers see when looking at a mom and her "job", we misunderstand. It's easy to look on and have an opinion, a judgement. I suppose that I did that as well, had a judgement, on my mom, on other moms. As someone pointed out to me recently, it's a different outlook when you can relate, when you join that "mom club".

I am just so proud of myself, that's what I was feeling the other day. I am so amazed at all I've accomplished. Going from that scared sh*tless woman walking into my house with a newborn and not knowing what the heck I was going to do...to where I am now. Getting through every colic and tear-filled day (for DJ and me), every exploding diaper, every night where I only got 4 hours of sleep, waking up every 2-3 hours, every clothes change because of spit-up, all those hours spent rocking, cleaning, burping....and all that while keeping a clean house, making dinner each night, making time for family/friends and still finding time for a shower! It goes by so slow, and so fast all at the same time. Just when you think you're glad he's sleeping on his own and through the night, you miss rocking him to sleep or bringing him to bed with you and holding him. I miss that as much as I miss feeling him kick inside me. So, this morning I gave in and brought him to bed with me for a couple of hours, this time not because he needed/wanted it, but because *I* did.

On top of learning how to be a mom and doing it day to day, I am proud that I have not let myself go, at least not too badly! Yes, I am just getting to my dentist tomorrow and only got a hair cut 2 weeks ago, and no I don't have the same time to make myself pretty each day. But, losing all my pregnancy weight and then some! Getting up every day since he was 6 weeks old and making a small amount of time for me and for my health by exercising. I haven't been this thin or healthy since I was probably in my early 20's! I am proud of this. I am proud that I don't beat myself up too badly when I take a few minutes to blog. Or that I do allow myself to make time for friends and let my mom babysit now and again so that I can do this. I was giddy when Dave & I went to a movie Sunday and my sister watched DJ, literally I wanted to giggle! I also leave some time for my favorite pasttimes, reading and TV. I hope I can keep it up, since he's starting to crawl now. Oh, and of course my dancing, however I include DJ in that and he loves it. Haha.

Basically, I'm glad that I'm a mom and I'm glad I can still be me too. Just on time DJ wants to celebrate Mothers Day too....he's saying Dada & Mama now!