It's just so weird. To look back on all of the memories and realize how many years have passed since then, 15, 10, 5. And then to look at how much I have changed since then. It's funny though, some things don't change- like I think I'll always enjoy the movie The Breakfast Club and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet will always be one cd I own. I guess for the most part on the outside I look the same, just a bit older (being so short and young looking helps though, I could still pass for 20- especially when I don't have any make up on!). It's on the inside that things have really done a 180. It's bizarre, because when you graduate high school you feel you are an adult, you're "who you're going to be". Now I realize I wasn't mature and that you're never "who you're going to be", you're always changing. Some things will stay the same, but so much changes.

For the longest time I defined my life by who I was, what I did- especially after I graduated college. That was me, take it or leave it. I didn't want suggestions on how to improve myself or how to live, it was my way or the highway. I thought I was so smart. (Lord, if I only knew!) I fought everyone around me- my parents, my friends. I thought my parents were out to get me, that they just didn't understand. What a typical teenager, only that lasted into my early 20's! It took something really devastating to turn my life around. I was thrown from my high horse, and to give you a metaphor, I'd broken my neck and I needed to recover and learn things all over again. I fought change all the way, I was so bitter, but I guess finally I saw the light. It took a lot of loss, humility, an open mind, bravery, persistence and a willingness to change. For a while I felt like an unknown soul, an orphan, but slowly I found my way. Thanks to God, I've made it.

And so here I am, this morning, thinking about all that I've been through and the person I once was, the 16 year old, the 18 year old, the 22 year old, the 25 year old...and maybe I miss them, each for who they were, just a little bit. But do I like who I am now better? Yes. Now I am filled with more love, happiness, a little bit of wisdom and peace. No more looking back and being sad or angry. I haven't done that in a while and I don't intend on doing it anymore. I'm so grateful for what I have now. So I say goodbye to who I was and hello to who I am...

Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to...
~~Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You